Hurting Hearts Painful Paths Challenges That Come With Depression And Suicide

Hurting hearts and painful paths come with the tremendous challenges surrounding depression and suicide. Mental illness is a palpable concern in our lives these days, and we must increase the dialogue. Complicated?  Yes. Grueling and toilsome? Yes. Still we must start talking more openly about this suffering that so many souls deal with much too often.

Our family has an especially heavy heart today. We have recently learned of a much-loved young man, age 25, ending his life this past weekend. A sufferer of depression, our friend was treated with meds, placed in residential settings, loved by many, and monitored carefully by his devoted parents and sibs.

However, while our hearts ache, this post is not about our dear friends’ tragic circumstances, it is far too raw and personal. They will rely on God, family and friends to walk down this horrific and painful path.

“We learned how to look after ourselves and we had to do this otherwise we couldn't cope.” Lisa, mother of Jason who ended his life

Instead, I will share, with permission, another story that has been made public.

My hope is to shed some light on this extremely difficult subject.

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. Risk factors include mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, and substance abuse, including alcoholism and use of benzodiazepines. Other suicides are impulsive acts due to stress such as from financial difficulties, troubles with relationships, or from bullying. Those who have previously attempted suicide are at higher risk for future attempts. Suicide prevention efforts include limiting access to methods of suicide, such as firearms, drugs, and poisons, treating mental disorders and substance misuse, proper media reporting of suicide, and improving economic conditions. (Wikipedia)

Questions are left unanswered. This reminds me of a song from one of my all-time favorite movies, “A Walk To Remember” starring Mandy Moore and Shane West. Click here to listen to Someday We’ll Know.

Yes, we must increase our dialogue, open our hearts to more sharing regarding depression, mental illness of all kinds, and death by suicide.

Let’s Start Now.

Click here to watch this five-minute video with my friend, Kristen sharing her heart with us regarding her mother’s death by suicide.

After Kristen’s Mom’s passing on November 5, 2011, a spark grew inside of Kristen’s heart to start a non-profit called Kids Boost. 

This mission allows children to see what it feels like to be a giver, to make an impact in areas they are interested in helping in. If you still have children under your roof, I hope you will check out Kristen’s work and join in.

Here is how it works!

  1.  Donate: Generous donor makes donation to Kids Boost. Example: Donor John Smith contributes $100 to the Kids Boost General Fund to jumpstart a new Kids Boost project.2.  Connect To Cause: Child chooses a cause important to him or her. Example: Weston, 12 years old, signs up for Kids Boost and declares he would like to fundraise for the Special Olympics in honor of his brother who has special needs.

3.  Innovate: Child receives startup money and coaching support from Kids Boost. Example: Kids Boost provides Weston with $100 in startup funding and a coach to help him implement his project “Run the Bases Marathon.” Weston uses the $100 to create flyers for the event and provide drinks and pizza for all the participants. A local ballpark donates field time and Weston’s dad volunteers to be the PA announcer and “scorekeeper” at the event. A family friend donates time and a few huge speakers to add fun music at the event. The local dollar store donates balloons.

Kristen, founder of the Non-Profit Kids Boost is going places with her enthusiasm and great ideas!

4.  Multiply: Child Boosts multiplies funds and awareness for chosen charity. Example: All the teams in Weston’s baseball league volunteer to participate by running as many bases as they can in an allotted time frame. Each base runner volunteer collects pledges for the number of bases he runs. Weston’s “Run the Bases Marathon” raises $500 for Special Olympics.

5.  Pay It Forward: 80% of the total raised goes to the charity of the child’s choice. 20% goes back to Kids Boost to help another child participate. Example: Weston presents a check for $400 (80% of the total raised) to Special Olympics. $100(20% of the total raised) goes back to Kids Boost to help another kid get started on another project. Donor John Smith sees a huge return on his investment plus the intangible benefits to Weston and his base running friends.

Let’s please start now talking more openly about the pain and truth of mental illness….

Previous Posts You May Have Missed:

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Your Messy, Complicated, Beautiful Life Story Matters

How The Soul Grows Through Loss

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It Is Well With My Soul: So Hope Lives On

No One Visits The Mother Of An Addict

A Grace Disguised

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7 things I mused about from same kind of different As me: a true, unforgettable story and now, a major motion picture

Published about the time my Mama received her cancer diagnosis, in June, 2006, same kind of difference As me: a modern-day slave, an international art dealer, and the unlikely woman who bound them together co-authored by, Ron Hall and Denver Moore is truly an unforgettable story. I remember vividly, reading this book in a waiting room while Mama received her treatment. Afterwards, I shared copy after copy with friends and family.

Set in the Lone Star state of Texas, the book is now a major motion picture, opening on October 20, 2017. Click here to listen to Brad Paisley’s hit song for the movie, Stubborn Angel.

Since trick-or-treaters generally don’t make their way down our short street, Donny and I decided to make a date last night, and see this movie.

Without giving away the whole story, based on true events, here are a few quotes by the authors of this story:

“If you really serious ’bout helping’ somebody, crawl down in the ditch with ’em, bandage up their wounds, and stick with ’em until they is strong enough to crawl up on your back ands get out.”

“The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or something in-between, this earth ain’t no final restin’ place. So in a way, we is all homeless—just workin’ our way home.”

“When you is precious to God, you become more important to Satan. Watch your back.”  

“There’s something I learned when I was homeless. Our limitation is God’s opportunity. When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain’t nothin’ you can do, that’s when God takes over.”

“I found out everybody’s different—the same kind of different as me. We’re all just regular folks walkin’  down the road God done set in front of us.”

~Denver Moore~

“To love a man enough to help him, you have to forfeit the warm, self-righteous glow that comes from judging.”  

“Most people want to be circled by safety, not by the unexpected. The unexpected can take you out. But the unexpected can also take you over and change your life. Put a heart in your body where a stone used to be.”  

~Ron Hall~

“So in a way, we is all homeless…just walkin’ our way home.” Denver Moore, same kind of difference As me

When you take time to read this book or see the movie, I am wondering what thoughts you may have afterwards?

Here are a few of my musings:

1) love always wins

2) regardless of our race, gender or place of origin, we are similar in more ways than not

3) we all put our pants on one leg at a time

4) each of us can reach one who is in need

5) when we help someone, we are encouraged and changed

6) life is brief and kindness matters

7) judgment is never okay we never know where one’s shoes have trod

Previous Posts You May Have Missed:

Hungry and Cold

What’s Happiness? What’s Joy?

Have A Care Kit Party

Joy Comes In The Morning

A Stocking Stuffer For Teens and Young Adults

We Can Embrace It

Eight Ways To Share With Others

The Calvary Kids

My Own Little World

Having A Bad Day?

Path Littered With Hard Circumstances?

No One Visits the Mother of a Drug Addict Except Jesus

My friend, Nancy R. Chalmers has recently published her book entitled, “No One Visits the Mother of a Drug Addict.” This autobiographical story recounts the author’s experiences as she endured her son’s addiction, the physical, emotional and spiritual turmoil the addiction was on her and the entire family. The center is filled with family pictures illustrating their journey. Readers are given a firsthand look at how drug addiction took over her son, Andrew’s life, straight from her heart. This personal story took a ton of courage, bravery, as well as a hefty dose of vulnerability. This story is not just for parents of addicts, but for families who find themselves in a hard season that seems impossible to change.

Andrew Chalmers

It is Nancy’s sincere hope and prayer that many families will begin to heal, not only from the tragedy of substance abuse, but from any number of difficult circumstances that happen around our globe on a regular basis. It is this author’s belief that the path to wholeness starts with brokenness, and that “healing” is our God’s specialty since we are His creation. I agree with her.

In this personal account, Nancy also reminds us how telling our story…to a trustworthy soul…can offer healing beyond measure. She is very thankful for the one friend who reached out on a regular basis to be “Jesus with skin on” for this hurting Mom.

It's amazing seeing the ripple effects of how when the hope of Jesus Christ invades the life of a person how that creates a domino effect to impact the rest of their family, their workplace, and their neighborhood. Andrew Chalmers, Director and Founder of Take The City, also son of Nancy and Louis Chalmers,

Thankfully, Andrew survived this devastating disease, and one day at a time, he is sharing his story through a ministry he started called Take The City. Andrew now has a heart for those who are lost and in the throes of this debilitating lifestyle of substance abuse. Andrew and his family are indebted to the program Teen Challenge which literally helped to save his life. A portion of the proceeds from Nancy’s book will provide scholarships to those needing to enter the recovery program of Teen Challenge.

Not everyone is going to exhibit the kind of faith The Chalmers have shown here in this story. But God can work with what faith you have. In fact, Matthew 17:20 tells us “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain ‘Move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Church folks don't like to talk about unacceptable problems. Oh, we can go on and on about cancer, death, (as long as it's not suicide), divorce, loss of job, sudden illness, surgery, birth defects, all our 'small sins' and many more. But alcohol and substance abuse, family abuse, runaways, other addictions, mental illness, satanic activity, pornography and sexual perversions, rape, murder, and nervous breakdowns are taboo.' Nancy R. Chalmers, author of No One Visits the Mother of a Drug Addict

At the close of her story, Nancy offers a 15 page Reflections Study Guide for hurting families. She begins it by again, reminding us that healing begins when we share our stories in a safe, confidential space.

Nancy begins the Study Guide with some frank questions:

  • What is going on in your family?

  • Who are the players in your drama?

  • How is all this affecting you?

  • Describe your most recent challenge or storm and how you responded.

  • To whom do you share this problem, where do you go for good counsel?

  • How do you find comfort?

Please note below a schedule of Nancy Reardon Chalmers’ upcoming book signings:

Wildwood Baptist Church, Acworth, GA Sunday Morning, March 12, 2017, in the cafe area

Piedmont Church, Marietta, GA Sunday Morning, March 19, 2017 in the cafe area

Snyder Memorial Baptist Church, Fayetteville, NC Wednesday, March 22, 2017 during the Wednesday Night Dinner

Click here to listen to an old hymn which came up often and ministered greatly to Nancy during this dark season of her life journey.

Andrew Chalmers, drug-free

Related Posts You May Have Missed:

Your Beautifully, Messy, Complicated Life Story Matters: Share Your Struggles

Addiction is Real: Hope is Real, too

Learn To Love Yourself Despite The Struggles

We Are Called To Be Brave

A Resource List:

The Addiction Recovery Guide

Teen Challenge, USA

The Extension: life-worth-recovery

Addiction Recovery

National Institute on Drug Abuse

the fix: Addiction Recovery, Straight Up

Celebrate Recovery

AA

Davis Direction Foundation

Your Beautifully, Messy, Complicated Life Story Matters Share Your Struggles

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Today, October 13th  was my Father-In-Law’s 86th birthday and our family joined him for dinner at Daybreak Village Senior Living to celebrate.We took him a new watch to help him keep time, since he recently misplaced his.  Our family has continued to look after him since he joined us in our community on March 14, 2015, and his life and legacy continues.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared a post called Every Beating Heart Has a Story, and I hope you will click here to read it if you missed it.

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Hiking through Northern Italy over Lake Como was an amazing experience! (Sept/October 2016)

As Donny and I recently hiked through Northern Italy above the stunning lakes, Lake Orta, Lake Maggiore, and Lake Como, I found myself thinking about the statement “every beating heart has a story’, as we trudged up steep inclines with our walking sticks. I pondered my own personal story and how I had often felt compelled to share details with one other, or a small group of others who were trustworthy and nonjudgmental. Invariably, those whom I shared with were “beating hearts” I believed God put in my path to potentially be strengthened by my adversity, my weaknesses, and my journey of overcoming struggles. And that is, in part, why I keep returning to The Barbara J. Crafton Extension Center, a residential home for women who are recovering from substance abuse. As we collage together, every other Wednesday morning, we share our stories and we gain courage and strength from each other. We can all leave a legacy of love as we transparently share our struggles, our weakness, our failures, and our victories with others. Now, I am not suggesting you blurt out all of your life issues at every turn, in fact, my long-time friend, Sara, has cautioned me against that! I am saying that we all have an important story, and God can use our story in mighty ways to encourage another human being.

If only we are still enough to hear his voice, his prompting in our spirit. (See Psalm 46:10)

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My bucket of collage supplies: “YOUR beautifully, messy, complicated STORY MATTERS”

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10/5/16 With artist, Holly Irwin, and my painting, Country Summer, a 2013 Mother’s Day gift from my family.

On October 5th, at our usual collage workshop,we were delighted to have a guest, artist, Holly Irwin, join us to share her story. As the girls worked on their collages, Holly talked with them a bit about her goals and dreams and how life does not always turn out the way we hope it will.

Holly encouraged each one of us by sharing her artist’s statement:

Illustration boards flowing with ink washes and curving black lines ………elegant drawings of women in beautiful dresses and yards of fabric everywhere………..art classes every Saturday morning for years………this is my background, this is how I grew up as the daughter of a fashion illustrator, and it has all culminated in a love affair with figure drawing. The figure and the dress have become my creative voice, a way of expressing powerful emotions using the language of color, line and composition. Sketchbooks everywhere………I unwind by loosely sketching and scribbling, usually in the form of a figure or a dress. Some of my finished paintings find their beginnings there; others start with a sketch from a live model session……always intuitive, based more on emotion than reality.

Texture is important in my work because our lives are layered and textured. I paint with modeling paste, gel mediums, acrylics and oil paint using brushes, spatulas and palette knives. My works on paper are evidence of my love of line drawing, pen and ink.

I search for the girl that lives within me, searching for ways to paint her feelings and emotions. I always come back to her. This is why I paint.

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Here are some of the collages, using some of Holly’s artwork, that the girls created as. we visited together.

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14720421_10207750862995211_2269835270547777806_nWE NEED EACH OTHER ON THIS JOURNEY CALLED LIFE.

Who can you and I bring encouragement to

by sharing part of our stories today?

14642218_10207750863075213_5517547754717545121_nRelated Posts You May Have Missed:

Caring For Our Parents: 3 Tips To Help Us

Every Beating Heart Has A Story

Give And It Will Be Given Unto You

My Own Little World

Five Reasons We Should Volunteer

Speak Life

The Disease Of Addiction Is Real: Hope Is Real, Too

Learn To Love Yourself Despite The Struggles: An Interview

Who Is In Our Path? Let’s Take Time To Notice.

Give: It Will Be Given Unto You Just One More Reason To Give Back

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My friend, Donna sells art to a patron and offers 20% of the sale to benefit my girls at The Extension.  I am learning that there are a lot of reasons to give to others. It helps the recipient. It feels amazing to the one who gives. And The Word reminds us that it comes back to you when you share with others.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:38 New International Version
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Artist, Dirk Walker paints our event “live”.
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Thanks to dk Gallery in the historical Marietta Square, I had the chance to share about my Collage Workshops at The Women’s Extension.
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A work of art, a collage project, by Lauren, one of my Extension clients
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Art With A Heart Event at dk Gallery on September 17, 2016

This past Saturday was a special evening in my life.

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Our friend, David Brewer tickles the keys beautifully for all of us to enjoy.

More than fifty guests gathered at the beautiful dk Gallery to learn about The Barbara J. Crafton Women’s Extension in Marietta, Georgia a place I have volunteered for since 2009.

Volunteers are love in motion. Unknown
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Our beautiful friend, Rebecca wins the final project in a silent auction. A Dirk Walker original featuring her husband, David on the keyboard.

The event was called Art With A Heart and there were so many giving hearts that night, including our dear and talented friend, David Brewer who played a keyboard for us, along with artist, Dirk Walker who painted the evening “live” for us, and Donna, gallerist since 2008, who graciously opened her gallery space for us to gather in. There were delectable desserts donated by Gabriel’s Desserts and Miss Mamie’s Cupcakes.  In addition, Deb  Willyard of Blue Dragonfly Catering prepared many delicious treats. The evening could not have come about without the tireless help from our small committee, Donna, Deb, Tina, and Cher.  An alumni from The Extension, Abby, bravely shared her story with our guests. We also had other much loved artists present, Holly Irwin, Susan Easton Burns, and Thomas Arvid, all who offered their amazing work as auction items to benefit the women at The Extension. Thanks to all who attended or made donations to this cause.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Aesop

This coming Saturday, September 24, 2016, there will be a Yard Sale to benefit The Barbara J. Crafton’s Women Extension located in Marietta, Georgia. This center is a safe haven, a residential refuge for women who are dealing with the disease of alcoholism and/or drug abuse.

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And if you live nearby, YOU can help!

Many of our friends have been downsizing and moving into smaller homes, so if this describes you, you may have already given most of your unused items away.  But if you do have a few things to give, that would be great!

If you live in Cobb County, and assuming I will be able to fill up my truck’s tank soon,  (some of you may not know that six states including TN, VA, GA, SC, Alabama and NC are in a state of emergency because of a fuel pipeline break) I would be happy to come to your home to get your donations any time today through Thursday if you send me a private message with your address.

I have decided that keeping a home organized is definitely a life-long project. I wrote about this in an earlier post entitled 10 Things That Organized People Do Every Day. Now, I have to say, I do not do these things daily, but it is a good goal to work towards.

So if at all possible, show up with a few household items that still have some life in them. These will be sold to benefit the brave and warrior women I have had the privilege to work with for the past six years.

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Dirk Walker’s “live” painting of our extraordinary and unforgettable evening.

Previous Posts You May Have Missed:

Addiction Is Real. Hope Is Real, Too.

10 Things Organized People Do Every Day

Humble And Kind

Five Reasons To Volunteer

Change Of Heart

The Simple Things

Websites To Check Out:

The Extension

Davis Direction Foundation

dk Gallery

Books You May Want To Check Out:

Broken: My Story Of Addiction And Redemption

Between Breaths: A Memoir Of Anxiety And Addiction

Drinking: A Love Story

Moments Of Clarity: Voices From The Front Lines Of Addiction And Recovery

Bridge Across My Sorrows A Difficult, But Important Read

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Bridge Across My Sorrows is a book I picked up during the summer. I suppose I will always be drawn to books about true people and how each one faced their own unique challenges in their life. Maybe it is because I have my own personal obstacles I have had to face, and this motivates me to read story after story of how an individual conquered their life’s trials.

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Christine and her sibs. (1950)
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Sunshine kids take a nap.

The 315 page paperback book I just finished is no exception. Another true account, Bridge Across My Sorrows, by Christina Noble with Robert Coram, like me, will surely send you realizing the potential there is within a beating heart. Noble rises above unimaginable and despicable poverty from a life of being a street child in Dublin, Ireland, to go on to make a shining difference in the lives of street children in Vietnam.

We see a human spirit of shining dignity courage and resilience--it is not a surprise when she ultimately turns her life into a magnificent act of love and generosity. Mia Farrow's remarks about this Noble's story

Seriously, her life between birth and well into her adulthood is so heartbreakingly painful, that I had to put the book down and breathe for a moment.

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These were two of Christina’s first sights upon arriving in Vietnam.

So why would I want you and others to read such a story right here in the midst of a hot summer’s end, as school buses are rolling again? I would say the main reason to read it is to be inspired by Nobles indomitable courage in the face of violence, neglect, and abuse. Christina Noble has risen above and beyond all of that.

WE CAN, TOO, no matter our life circumstances. This book has been made into a 2014 movie, entitled NOBLE: A Fearless Life A Reckless Love,  which stars Deidre O’Kane, Sarah Greene, and Gloria Cramer Curtis as Christina at different seasons in her life journey. If you have Amazon Prime, you can view this movie for free.

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Christina with two of her sunshine children. (1993)

What true stories—from either a movie,play, or in book form have impacted the choices you have made in your life journey? Think about it!